Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
