you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
