Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
