11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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