I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
