also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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