got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
