...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
