he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
