Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
