i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
