I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
