U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
