You smell like stripper and shame
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
