She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
