Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
