so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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