I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
