tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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