1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
