It's just like the Real World with babies
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
