I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
