shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
