how can u be prego again
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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