If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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