I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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