things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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