I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
