this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
