He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
