dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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