Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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