there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
