One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
