sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
