Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
