dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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