Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
