Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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