a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
