Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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