so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
