You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
