Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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