Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
