The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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