we have officially lost it.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
