Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
