please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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