was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
